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Do you ever listen to pop music on the radio and think to yourself, “I’d like to know what this person is singing about, but I just don’t have the time to sit down and really think through the song?”  Well, you’re in luck, because I have the time to contemplate songs and explain them to you!  Think of me as your mamma bird chewing up a song and spitting it back at you.  In today’s post, I’ve decided to explain, “What’s My Name” by Rihanna.  The lyrics are in italics and my explanations follow in regular type.  If people find this explanation helpful, I will explain more songs in the future.

Oh, na, na, what’s my name?

Oh, na, na, what’s my name?

Oh, na, na, what’s my name?

What’s my name? what’s my name?

Rihanna cannot remember her name and is crying out for help.  It’s unclear why she has amnesia.  According the Mayo Clinic, head injuries can cause amnesia, so maybe she has been hanging out with Chris Brown.  But hang in there girl, the clinic says that amnesia from head injuries is usually temporary.  Rihanna also appears to have developed an unusual stutter.  Or perhaps “oh, na, na,” is nervous filler, like “um,” which would totally be understandable because forgetting your name is so scary you guys.

Yeah, I heard you good with them soft lips

Yeah you know word of mouth

Somebody has entered the room with soft lips.  Rihanna has noticed his soft lips and probably hopes he is good with them so the lips can properly form words and remind Rihanna of her name.  Lips are important for good pronunciation.

The square root of 69 is 8 somethin’, right?

‘Cause I’ve been tryna work it out, oh

I think Rihanna is getting a little ahead of herself here.  She should probably focus on remembering her name before she jumps into complicated math problems.  But the head injury hasn’t really hurt her math skills, because the square root of 69 is roughly 8.3, so she is pretty close.

Good weed, white wine

I come alive in the night time

Okay, away we go

Only thing we have on is the radio

Okay, so she’s been drinking and smoking.  Maybe that made her forget her name?  Wine gives me a headache and sometimes makes me cry, but I still know who I am.  I guess everybody reacts to alcohol differently.  Also, I bet figuring out the square root of 69 was some sort of a drinking game.

Say my name, say my name, wear it out

It’s getting hot, crack a window, air it out

I can get you through a mighty long day

Great, Rihanna is getting back to the most important task here, which is remembering her name.  Then maybe she can return to drinking games/math problem sets.  It does sort of concern me though that she is feeling hot.  She might have a high fever.  The Mayo Clinic also says that amnesia can be caused by a virus, and specifically mentions herpes, so, again, Chris Brown could be involved.  Or maybe she just farted and wants the window open so the fart floats out the window before her guest smells it.  She is probably better off owning up to the fart.  In my experience, they linger near you for a while and don’t just magically go floating through the nearest open window.

Soon as you go, the text that I write is gon’ say

Oh, na, na, what’s my name?

Oh, na, na, what’s my name?

The person is right in front of you Rihanna!  Just ask him now!  Why do you have to text him your question?  This section is a sad statement on our technology-saturated society.  Young people today would rather talk by text than face to face.  Or maybe the fart was particularly nasty and the guy is running out of the room.  I don’t totally blame him, but the least he could do is tell Rihanna her name before he runs away.

The song continues from here, but I will save you the trouble of reading explanations for each and every stanza.  Basically, the person comes back into the room and Rihanna remembers he is good at something dirty I won’t repeat on this blog, for fear of alienating my sensitive audience.  She talks at length about this skill, with occasional interruptions to inquire about her name.  Sadly she can remember the guy’s skill, but her name continues to escape her for the rest of the song.